Silly Emily [entries|friends|calendar] EMi [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Last Entry [15 Aug 2008|07:57pm] Well, it's been a many good years with this thing. Since 7th grade gosh. This officially retires today and I move to mangogelato I'm going to add people and I hope you guys will add me back (if you have not already :)) because I want to read about you! So last thoughts... I spent the majority of these past 2-3 days crying. I know everyone has to move on.. leave for college and I'm probably being a big baby but I can't help it. I'm going to miss it all.. complaining about MSJ, crazy nights with friends, trying to entertain ourselves in the seemingly empty Fremont, bickering with my family, sleeping in my bed, lounging around the house, caring for the turtles, giving people vegetables from my garden, and so so much more. When people ask me how my summer went, I can only say.. rushed. Incredibly rushed. I did nothing I wanted to and found myself penciling in time with my friends because I was so busy. And now, I don't feel like I have the closure to move on.. to leave the friendships I built for so many years, some since 1st grade. Lately, I began to just slow down.. pause, and take a look around. I spoke with Bryan this morning during our breakfast together and it seems he does it too. When I'm driving home from soccer or whatever.. I just look around and realize all of this is going to be gone. No more hills, the bay, mission peak, the cute bagel shop.. suburbia. Everything went by so fast and now it's time to leave. I don't know how you guys do it. I don't want to leave, I've been regretting my decision like crazy. I said goodbye to my soccer team yesterday, so hard, and even harder was seeing Jackie for the last time till December. Tomorrow, my family.. I can't even think about saying goodbye. Well, I guess there's not much for me to do but just deal with it. I really hope these next few months fly by quickly. I hope I get internet tomorrow but chances are I won't. Sunday it is. In less than 24 hours, I will be in my new home. Scary. {{ 1 left }} » {{ leave one }}

[14 Aug 2008|09:05am] So... I leave Saturday....... the day after tomorrow, I am gone. Feels scary, it's too rushed :( I found out who my roommate is. Stupid housing, they put me with another girl on the soccer team. As if the team isn't enough of a family, now I'll never make friends outside of them. Nor can I avoid my roommate if I don't like her.. because I'll see her everyday whether I like it or not. I really don't even want to play for more than a year. Oh yeah, to those you have not left yet, start packing.. EARLY. I'm screwed :) Make sure to check out my new LJ! mangogelato! {{ 1 left }} » {{ leave one }}

My sister... [07 Aug 2008|11:32pm] So around 4:30 today my sister starts screaming for help and I'm like wtf and .. well very annoyed but I go downstairs to see whats up SHE HAS A FREAKING TOOTHPICK STUCK IN HER HEEL Like 1 whole inch of the toothpick is lodged in the side of her heel and I'm like oh shit. I tell her she's got to pull it out so she tries but its too far in and she starts screaming cuz it hurts. So, what can I do. I have to take her to urgent care to see the doctor. The doctor tries to pull it out, she starts screaming. So they give her motrin and some numbing gel which.. apparently doesn't work. So the doctor decides to use some massive needle and inject numbing stuff into her heel. Bad idea. My sister starts screaming like crazy cuz the needle hurts like a bitch. Then the doctor I guess sucks at what she's doing so she keeps poking her cuz she can't get enough of the fluid in her heel, and then attempts to use an even larger needle causing my sister to freak out more and start shrieking. It was like in those movies when women give birth and they're screaming at the top of their lungs, yeah.. my sister right there. So the heel is finally numbed and the doctor uses some tweezers/clamp to pull it out, leaving a good sized hole in her heel which immediately starts to bleed like crazy. Then I take the little monkey home. So.. I don't know how she got it in there but she says she was just walking and accidentally stepped on it and it went into her heel. When the doctor saw it she was like wtf o_O and then each nurse proceeded to one by one peek into the room to see the girl with the toothpick in her heel. Sigh, adventures with my sister. {{ 4 left }} » {{ leave one }}

The new journal I promised [05 Aug 2008|10:16pm] So it's about time to retire this thing.  It's been a good run since 6th/7th grade.. 6 years.  But I'd like to start organizing my entires a little more with tags and allajazz :) I invite you to follow me in my journey at Chicago/college in my new livejournal. (Yeah, the ads suck but I love LJ) And I'd love to read about you too!! (even if you're not on LJ, send me a link to your blog!) So, please add me :) mangogelato What a fitting username, no? Entries will begin the day I land in Chicago, August 16th. But anyways, summer has been ridiculously busy. I love my friends, I really don't want to leave so early. :( {{ 1 left }} » {{ leave one }}

Phone [22 Jul 2008|10:00am] Hey guys, Does anyone have a Verizon phone that they are no longer using/need? It just needs to be in working condition. I'm willing to pay for it if it's not too pricey. It'd be nice to get one soon :) {{ leave one }}

Another one of those.. Life is short things [21 Jul 2008|07:36pm] So this past weekend, my sister's former teammate Sarah, her mom, and her little sister Hannah (sp?) were driving back from LA from a soccer tournament. They flat tired, hit a divider, and flipped multiple times. Sarah has been released from the hospital, her mom is about to be released, but unfortunately, Hannah passed. She was only in Jr High. Even though I didn't know them too well, they were a family that I had the occasional encounter with. I don't know why this affects me so much but I'm shocked. I remember dropping her and Sarah off at Sarah's house and seeing her sister. They live in the Mission district and are home-schooled. And I remember picking up a bag of uniforms from Hannah one day. It was a short 5 minute thing but thinking back, she was so young. I just can't imagine life ending before even getting to high school. It scares me, it's just so sad. I dunno, I'm just.. shocked. A life can end so easily without warning. My thoughts go out to the Welker family :( {{ 1 left }} » {{ leave one }}

[18 Jul 2008|10:36pm] DARK KNIGHT WAS SO INTENSE GO WATCH IT {{ leave one }}

Italy 2008 [28 Jun 2008|01:34pm] I like to call this trip: Italy 2008: discovering rome, naples, florence, venice, and what I hate about my family. I very much miss America. I miss being able to TALK to friends. I miss Ryan. And I'm even starting to get sick of having pizza&pasta everyday (yes, that's all they have here). But gelato, I could never get sick of. At least 1 everyday! I'm favoring the lemon right now, yum. But I guess I can suck it up.. 2 weeks of 24 hr contact with my sister/parents.. I saw all the good stuff. Today I saw Michaelangelo's David. Holy crap that thing is huge.. and beautiful. I think if David were a real person, I'd do him no questions asked. Yeah, I'm in love. I think my other favorite thing so far is the Vatican/Sistine Chapel/ ST PETER'S BASILICA. That thing is amazing. I miss Americaaaaaa.. I've even had Mc Donalds for a meal here. And my Mc Chicken cost me 2.50 EUROS which is hella more than 2.50 USD. No dollar menu here. :( I need calls to the US to be free. {{ 4 left }} » {{ leave one }}

[10 Jun 2008|11:12pm] Signing yearbooks makes me so sad. Trying to reflect on everything you've done with the person and what they mean to you.. incredibly difficult. I start thinking about how I will never see most of the people at school again. It sucks knowing that the relationships I worked so hard to build up are simply going to fade away. It's about that time to get a new livejournal... I shall get on that soon enough. {{ leave one }}

[02 Jun 2008|08:40pm] emilychen@uchicago.edu send me cute emails guys- but not spam cuz then i won't like you anymore :) I AM SO STRESSED RIGHT NOW ugh. All these darn projects.. why you silly teachers?! I also fret i won't have enough time to spend with everyone before I leave.. Does anyone have 27 dresses that I could borrow? I'm like dying to watch it {{ 3 left }} » {{ leave one }}

uchicago email [29 May 2008|04:27pm] Now to pick my email address.. help me choose 1. echen12@uchicago.edu 2. emilychen@uchicago.edu 3. emily12@uchicago.edu Do I get a new email name as an alumni? Is it bad to have my full name as my email? I'm leaning towards #2 since it doesn't have numbers and it's my full name.. but I don't know if that's a bad thing. But then again, #1 has the 12 which is when I graduate and it's my fav number... help meeeeee on a side note.. Asking Shirfeng for help is always entertaining Shirfeng: i have no idea Shirfeng: make it Shirfeng: theoriginalemilychen Shirfeng: OR WAIT WAIT Shirfeng: EMAILychen Shirfeng: HAHAHAHAHAHA Shirfeng: get it. {{ 5 left }} » {{ leave one }}

scared [23 May 2008|07:35pm] So: Italy is June 23-July 6 UChicago Pre-season training August 16 That gives me about 31 days in Fremont the entire summer. 31 days left to spend with Ryan. 31 days with my family. 31 days to hang out with all the friends I don't want to leave. There's just not enough time.. not even close 31 days with Ryan.... oh my god oh my god oh my god I'm so scared {{ leave one }}

No looking back now... [20 May 2008|03:31pm] So this process has certainly been hectic. I didn't sleep last night- and took the morning off trying to make my decision. I called many alumni, coaches, doctors, and students to make my decision. About every 30 minutes I switched back and forth between SD and Chicago. I guess I decided to choose Chicago because in the end, I do want to learn. It's not all about the money. At SD, I'd probably just be a number and there's just not really the creative, intellectual, intense academic experience. Even though both bio programs are extremely good, I think I might learn better with smaller classes and more individual attention. When it came down to it, my reasons for not wanting Chicago was that I was scared. Honestly, I was scared. I was scared I wasn't going to fit in, that I wouldn't be smart enough, that I would hate the weather and the people would be too different. Maybe I would hate the city. But I have the opportunity to try this something different. I'll never know if I don't like it until I try. And on top of that, with an education like that- who can go wrong. I guess I'm not really excited, still extremely scared but I think of it this way- if I truly don't like it, transfer is always an option. So maybe I'm paying 100k extra to waste my time learning about Socrates and Freud and other things that don't directly relate to my future profession. An alumni told me, people don't go there to learn how to make money, they learn how to think. I just hope I'll be able to pay this all back to my parents in the end. I only hope that I made the right decision.. and I hope that soon I'll be able to be excited about college. Ashland tomorrow. Yay for friends pushing me around in a wheelchair. I will add more later. Got to get my wheelchair. edit: So back to what I was saying before. I am still very very scared. I can still change my mind- knowing I could still go to SD as I havn't sent my deposit yet. I could play it safe.. SD is where I know I'll fit in and I'll like the environment. All I can think about right now is how I could change my mind still. Coach wants me there by August 17, a whole month early to start training- I'd rather not. I hope she'll let me out of it. I'm not really looking forward to leaving. When I start thinking about how I am going to go to Chicago, and I probably won't switch back to SD, I just think about how I can transfer back to CA in a year. Is that wrong? Knowing that i could be out of there in a year comforts me.. having a way out. Looking ahead, senior ball is less than 2 weeks away and yet I don't really want to go. Graduation is in exactly one month. This will be extremely emotional as I'm headed off to a place I'm not sure I'll be happy and leaving the comfort of Mission, though not my cup of tea, is still my norm. But then again, that's what college is right? A step in a new direction... I also need a job. I need to make money. Money money money money AHHHH I need to take some burden off my parents. And alas, 20 days in Italy exploring one of the most romantic countries in the world without someone I truly want to spend it with. Well, at least it'll be some hectic bonding time with my family. So I guess for now I'm going to keep switching back and forth.. my mind always uneasy. I am looking forward to retiring this journal, or perhaps changing the username/layout for a new one. So, did I make the right decision? {{ 3 left }} » {{ leave one }}

[18 May 2008|01:07am] Life is at many times, is one big frustrating ball of shit. I re-sprained my left ankle on Friday, making my crutches my new best friend. I'd say this is about the 5th time on the left ankle.. almost adding up to the 8 times on the right one. The urgent care doctor (who btw was ridiculously cute) told me that I'm bound to get arthritis in my ankles if I keep playing soccer. Ah yes, college soccer.... Every time I get fit again and can finally play pretty damn well, I get injured. This means another 2 weeks minimum of sitting on my ass wishing I wasn't losing the muscle that I had worked so hard to build up. Then I go back to practice out of shape, and incredibly timid. I can't play hard cuz I'm scared to get hurt again.. which means I sit on the bench because I just plain suck. On top of that, I get to crutch around in 100 degree weather across the expanse of our seemingly small campus arriving late, tired, and rather sweaty to every class. Then Wed-Sat is the Ashland, Oregon trip where I guess I'll have to rent a wheelchair and feel bad about making the unfortunate friends of mine drag me around. Least of my woes, I guess I probably won't be able to dance the night away at prom- not that I was planning to as I'm going alone. Though I did buy my dress today, and I'm not gonna lie, it is stunning. But I guess this just gives me a slightly more legit excuse to be sitting on my ass eating and playing the DS the whole night. And hmm, college... who knows where I'll go. I certainly don't. Yep, one big frustrating ball of shit. {{ 1 left }} » {{ leave one }}

Financial Aid is ruining my life. [16 May 2008|04:06pm] Ok so I'm back again. The feud in my head over where to spend the next 4 years of my life has not subsided. Financial Aid came today. I get a total of.. drum roll please... $0.00. I can get 5,500 in student loans (which again is useless because of the high interest rates). This in the end brings my total for UChicago to about 54,000 or in other words, a brand new Mercedes every darn year. Now I have Saturday and Sunday to talk to my parents and determine the rest of my life by Monday. I don't understand why just because my parents thought ahead and put money away for college, and they just so happen to have lovely jobs that pay nicely, that I have to pay full price. We're not by any means rich.. and this 54k would definitely put a strain on the family. Yet because we may be middle class, we make too much to get any need based aid and well, too little to afford to send 2 kids to private schools. I know that my parents would be willing to send me there. They want me to go where I'll be happiest and well, where I can thrive. Yet at the same time, I feel like it's not my money to spend. They worked so hard for so many years so that they could retire on time and not have to worry.. and it's not my place nor my right to strip them of this luxury. I want my parents to be happy, and not constantly worrying about if they have enough money. I know both my parents hate their jobs and are dying to quit- as they pretty much complain everyday. A lot of our savings went to paying for my grandpa's med bills when he had cancer. My mom recently turned down a job that would have paid for my entire private school tuition instead for a job that pays pretty much nothing because it's a place that would make her happier. I realize I can be happy no matter which school I go to. I can also be successful wherever I go. Though I know that UChicago is what I've always wanted, what I've dreamed of.. and where I might just be that much happier. But, if I were to go to UCSD.. I might regret UChicago but I would still be happy. I can live there and be fine. So I guess in the end, I feel extremely selfish if I had to ask my parents to pay that extra 100k overall to send me to Chicago. I guess it seems everything is pointing me in the direction of SD. It's cheaper, it's sunny, it's close, and undergrad doesn't really matter. But my heart wants Chicago so so much. I love the closeness of a private school, the creative learning experience at Chicago, and a new environment. I want to walk around campus discussing the works of great philosophers. I want to frolic along the magnificent mile and run along the beaches of Lake Michigan. What am I going to do. I'm so torn.. If only I could magically come up with 54k {{ 7 left }} » {{ leave one }}

College [10 May 2008|07:02pm] So while all you kids are getting happy for college and blinging out your college gear, I'm stuck here trying to make a decision. And I need to make it by Monday AHHHHHHH I officially got into Chicago on Friday, being one of the very few off the waitlist I feel so obligated to accept. Yet still so many factors have yet to be sorted and solved. Why is money such a big issue :( Is a private school for undergrad really worth it? I know my parents can't afford to send both me and my sister to privates, and me to a private grad too.. it would put such a strain on the family All the professionals I talk to keep telling me that undergrad doesn't matter.. as long as grades are good If I want to be a dermatologist, is it a waste to be going to Chicago? Isn't SD's biology better? I'd have a low GPA at chicago.. and most likely a higher one at SD.. how do grad schools take that into account? While I still have an interest in law/creative writing/thinking, after talking to some lawyers, I realize most are extremely unhappy, work too much, read too much, and are heavily underpaid which made me very very sad As far as the weather and the people/environment, I think I could be equally happy at both. At Chicago, I'd have the ideal environment I wanted- something new and out of the Mission bubble of near one dimensional kids and already so many very nice/interesting people have begun to friend me and talk to me knowing I may join them next year. While at SD, it would be how it is now.. ordinary (which I could still be very happy in) I think the main issue now is the money... and how worth paying near 50 grand a year is :( Help me guys.. give me your input {{ 4 left }} » {{ leave one }}

jumbled thoughts [26 Apr 2008|01:35pm] I think that because I know not many people read LJ- I feel more comfortable to blog. Or perhaps it's just because I just don't care anymore. I find it far easier to get pissy at people including "friends" since I have this mentality that it's senior year and I'll never see more than half of these people ever again. It seems I'm starting to justify my "i'm a bitch deal with it" attitude with this and I think that even though I know this is probably not the way to go, I really just don't care. I treat the majority of my friends like shit and wonder why they even bother associating with me anymore. I get irritated a lot more easily and don't feel it necessary to hide it- so I guess that makes me mean but honestly, why some people do/say certain things just makes my head want to explode. I cannot wait till I finally decide where I want to go, and I can start a brand new livejournal and actually blog periodically from time to time about college life. I think it's a good idea to have bits of writing to remember it all. Plus, this username is 6th grade status and in need of retirement. And now it seems that I have a Physics quiz on Monday, the physics final on Wednesday and Thursday and I have spent the entire first half of the day being emo about how unhappy I've been this past year. It's terrible all I do now is waste time, debate in my mind whether I should or should not bother studying, and watch trashy reality television shows. I feel like that after nearly 4 years of working my ass off in high school, ruining my health all to get good grades and missing out on more than half of my family's outgoings, it hasn't paid off. I was okay with doing all of this, more than willing to actually because I thought that once college acceptances came out, my hard work would pull me through. And yet, it didn't. Now I wonder what the point is of even trying anymore.. if I'm just going to work my ass off and get the same results as someone who didn't.. why try? But at the same time, I know I won't get rescinded for a couple of Bs or a C but I can't seem to let myself do it.. knowing I could get an A. I havn't done calc hw since November, I have no idea what a derivative is either. I also have begun to lose my passion for soccer. I dread running at practices.. or even going to practice. I opted out of all the upcoming out of state tournaments and I just don't work hard there anymore either, which results in my coach yelling at me to quit being lazy all the time. I seriously think I'm bipolar. Half the time I'll be really motivated to prove everyone wrong- to prove to myself that I am smart, that I am talented and will be successful. The other half the time I give up- thinking that my hard work will never pay off and that there really is no point in trying. I think it's sad that when I say there's nothing to watch on TV, it means I've watched every episode of Tila Tequila 2, Rock of Love 2, Top Chef, Scrubs, How I met Your Mother, and anything else I might find particularly entertaining. btw, Harold and Kumar was ridiculously awesome. {{ leave one }}

College college college [16 Apr 2008|06:48pm] I hate decisions. UChicago vs UCSD I'm going to have to make a Pro and Con list for each one but to sum it up, I have no idea what to do. UChicago: pro: ranked 9th in nation, best econ undergrad in nation, good law school, good premed, super small classes, ridiculously smart people, new dorms, good food, 15 min from downtown Chicago, spot on the soccer team, 1 mile from lake michigan con: ITS COLD ALL THE TIME, the people are smart to a level I don't know if I can compete, really really far away from home, my social life = soccer team, no cute asian boys, in southside ghetto chicago(not too safe), scary new environment, ridiculously pricey, no partying UCSD: pro: close to ryan, good bio program, nice and warm, close to home, near the beach, my parents can afford it,  can play soccer there,  full of asian kids,  near la jolla con:  not as prestigious, massive classes So basically, if I go to UChicago I'd suffer through tons of cold, probably not have a social life, but get the best education ever with one of the best prelaw programs or premed programs if I wanted to be a dermatologist/sports medicine or lawyer. At UCSD I'd feel more familiar with my surroundings, not so intimidated by ridiculously smart people, be nice and warm, and yet be limited to being a derm/sports med since I can't do law there. But UChicago is really really pricey and I'm not sure I'd fit in, basically it's not in my comfort zone :( UCSD is close to Ryan? :( I dunno, I really really want to do law but I'm not sure if it's worth freezing and being unhappy with the weather all the time and paying double UCSD tuition. Poo. :( {{ 11 left }} » {{ leave one }}

[17 Feb 2008|11:21pm]  Oh I certainly have been neglecting my little livejournal :( Ever since my shitty laptop of 64 mb memory and broken screen just died on me, I've had to battle it out wiht my sister for the other laptop.. making LJ much less a priority :( 2nd semester= too much partying, too little studying Mmmm I'm losing the motivation to try anymore.. I just want out {{ leave one }}

[23 Jan 2008|10:46pm] Mmmmm finals What is this concept of sleep you speak of... :( gogogogogo i need a new laptop :( {{ leave one }}

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